Reflecting on 25 years of Motherhood

Mara and her family.

Not very long ago my oldest, Mara, turned 25. That started me thinking about my journey as a Mother. First of all, I know that I am incredibly blessed. I don't ever remember not planning to be a Mom and God graciously allowed me to do that. It is easy to take it for granted but we shouldn't.

    I also realize that I was incredibly blessed to have a wonderful role model in motherhood. My mother is one of the best. So motherhood was presented to me as something desirable and fulfilling. Nevertheless that didn't mean I didn't have struggles or challenges.

At a Rendezvous

   I wanted to be a stay at home Mom so I worked up to the day that Mara was born at a florist shop but after that I stayed home with her. I loved it, but even though I was still attending Bible college (Mara went along) I still struggled a little with feeling completely fulfilled in the role of being a stay-at-home mother. But as I studied and prayed I realized not only is being a helper to my husband and raising children for God's glory quite enough on it's own but if you do have extra energy and desire there are so many ways that you can serve God and reach out to others with children in tow. Children can even help. 

Jonathan when we were out in Colorado at a church camp

   One piece of advice that was given to me when I was just starting out, was to lean into James 1:5 "If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who give generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you." I remember Aunt Betty (who recently went on to her reward - a wonderful woman who inspired me in so many ways) telling me that when Mara was born. I thought of that so many times through the years. Because there were many times that I lacked wisdom. 

Jonathan doing a Communion talk at church recently

      Motherhood has a way of drawing out all of the emotions. The love that you feel for a baby that came from your own body is just incredible. The joy that those kids can bring (and I think that just keeps better and better). They are so cute and funny when they are little but when you get to see them take their place in this world and there is a joy that is is hard to explain. I didn't think I really struggled a lot with either anger or impatience until I became a mother (after they leave the baby stage that can certainly figure out how to push your buttons!). Fear is something that comes more easily (and something I feel we need to fight against) once you become a mother. Fear that they will get hurt either physically, emotionally and most of all spiritually. And then I feel like I even became more of a fraidy cat (perhaps it is a natural preservation sort of thing so that we can take care of our young). Before children I enjoyed canoeing rapids and such like but while I had young children there was no desire to do anything like that. I will say that some of that enjoyment of danger has come back- perhaps because my kids can handle life on their own should something happen to me. :-)  Anyway, they do bring out the emotions, some are good and some not so much but whatever they are I hope that we just bring those to God. I am still learning that but I hope that I am getting better at doing that. When they make you proud - thank God! When they make you angry, ask God for forgiveness and help.                                     

Aaron and his fiancé, Harper

    I don't know about you but when I became a Mom I kind of thought I had things figured out. I came from a large family with younger siblings that I helped with quite a lot, I had watched my parents who raised kids successfully (at least my siblings and I would like to think so 😊), and I had married a Christian husband and we were trying to do all the right things. Then when we had Mara and I was pregnant with Jonathan, Ken ended up walking away from the Lord. I was devastated and felt like all my plans were messed up. And then one morning I was at church and the Bible study teacher shared statistics about how many kids raised in Christian families stay faithful to God. The statistic wasn't great. Then he shared that it was even worse if just the Dad was a Christian. But if just the Mom was a Christian the statistic was even worse - it was awful. I came home totally depressed but I cried out to God in a realization that I just wasn't going to be able to raise children that loved Jesus Christ. But I knew that He loved my children (the one born and the ones yet to be born) far more than I did. And so I asked Him to work in their lives and to draw them close to Him. And I prayed that over and over again throughout the years. And He has been faithful to do that. 

Aaron's current occupation 

Some things that I wish I would have done differently in raising my kids:

1. Listened to them better and not been so distracted by the busyness of life.
2. Not been so intent on looking and being perfect. I remember many a time as we got ready for company getting all stressed about making our house look perfect and taking that out on my children (as in getting grumpy with them and quite impatient). There were other areas and times that I also was truly more concerned about pleasing men than God and I was focusing more on the outward appearance.
3. Being more compassionate. I could be a pretty strong authority figure who wanted things done right. Also I don't make the greatest nurse - so when kids were sick my hope was always that they would just want to sleep it off (not need me too often). When Mara had a long struggle with health in her teen years, I could have done a lot better at being compassionate.

Mom and I taking Megan to the airport so she could fly to Italy for 3 months

Some things that I would do again in raising my kids:

1. Spend time in God's word with them- reading and memorizing.
2. Take them to church regularly and have them spend time with others that are seeking to follow Jesus Christ.
3. Have them join me in ministering to the others (whether it be singing at the nursing home, taking a meal to someone, cleaning the church building, etc).
4. Homeschool them.
5. Read together a lot.
6. Go on adventures together and show them that they can push themselves and do hard things.
7. Teach them that both learning and work are fun.

Megan's college graduation this Spring
(associates degree earned at the same time as her highschool diploma)

   Motherhood has gone beyond just my four biological children. The first change was getting a son-in-law(Thomas). In that I have been beyond blessed. I don't think Mara could have picked any better. Before long I will get another child-in-law and I believe Aaron has done well too. I am totally excited to have Harper join our family. Both Thomas and Harper add another layer of interest in our family. They add something that we didn't have before. And it is good.

   

 And then came grandkids. Any of you that are grandparents know how wonderful and fun that is. It adds its own challenges too. How can I be an active, helpful grandmama and still let their parents be ones that call the shots and take the responsibility. That is still a work in progress and I certainly don't always do it perfectly. But I have Grandkids who love me and I love them and their parents are pretty patient with me.

  And then this Spring I added being a foster mom to the list of "Mom" roles. As I was told it would be it has been extremely wonderful, beautiful and good and it is extremely hard. I have 3 little ones (ages 7,8 and 9) who call me Mom (at least some of the time - it totally is not required but I notice that the older 2 stop calling me Mom when they are upset with me, when they are really wanting to be with their Mom or Grandma or I think when they are feeling guilty about calling me Mom- this is a complicated business).

  I had no idea how much I could love children that are not "my own". I also had no idea how overwhelmed I could be by being a mother. My older kids really did not prepare me for this. I also get to try out being a public school mom and though I am going out of my comfort zone there have been many wonderful parts of this experience and challenging ones too! 
 

   An interesting thing about Foster care as I really have very little idea as to whether they will be gone next month or if I might have them for the rest of their lives. And then you wonder - will I always have a place in their lives? Does God just have us together for this moment? I guess even if they are children of our own flesh and blood we should realize that they are a temporary gift. We don't know how long we get to have them. So we should use each moment to the best of our ability. 

   So I try to be Jesus to them now, and I fail over and over again. But God in His grace uses me anyway. I ask for wisdom and strength and forgiveness over and over again. And He gives it, over and over and over again.

    I am so thankful that I don't have to walk this road alone. God is with me every step of the way and I am so thankful for the Body of Christ who pray for me, help me and encourage me. If you are trying to do motherhood without either of those I would strongly recommend that you seek out a Bible believing and following church and seek God with your whole heart!