Every Moment Holy

   I am loving the spring flowers just now. Lilies of the Valley, Lilacs and Violets are definitely among my favorite flowers. Do any of you all have those flowers blooming now too or are the long gone or yet to come or don't grow in your area?

I love how simple it is to bring beauty to your table and your meals. 3 little repurposed jars with just a few stems each of different types of flowers. No fancy arranging needed - just simple beauty. Do you bring flowers into your home? I know that not everybody responds with joy to flowers the way I do but for me it just lifts my spirits and reminds me of God's love and His amazing artistry when I see flowers.

    Not long ago my good friend, Jennifer, offered to loan me the book "Every Moment Holy" by Douglas Kaine Mckelvey. I looked at it a bit when she offered it to me and I could see that it had a lot of good thoughts. I admit that part of me was a little hesitant about this book. It is, after all, a book of liturgies. A prayer book. Prayers that somebody else wrote out that I could use. I have never been a part of a church group (or any other religious group) that has used pre-written prayers and the idea of it just seemed odd to me. Don't I know on my own what I should speak to God about? Won't the Holy Spirit help me with that? I believe that the answer to both of those questions are "yes" but I have also found many blessings as I had read through this book.

   I absolutely think we should pray from our heart and pray as the Holy Spirit directs us. But in my reading this book I was reminded at how blessed I am when I pray with others and they put into words things that I may have struggled saying, or not thought to say. Praying with others and hearing their prayers causes my prayer time to be richer. Reading this book is a little like that. 

I would like to share a couple of excerpts from this book that really hit home with me....

  "O Christ My Shepherd,

    O Christ My Companion,

   You never promised that I would not walk this bitter road. What you promised was I would not walk this road along.

   When you prophesied to Peter the kind of death he would die - you told him simply to follow you faithfully on the path marked out for him.

   In the same way, Jesus, you do not call me to compare the length or the topography of my own road to the journeys of others who serve you. You call me simply to follow you faithfully on my path, on this path, through the specific events of this one life I am given."

   "O Christ Most Compassionate,

     O Christ Most Wise,

counsel and comfort me now. In the midst of this, my hour of doubt and fear and questioning, remind me of the history of your grace so long expressed to me at every turn of life.

    For what have I ever had to trust you with, if not my fears, my tragedies, my disappointments, my losses, my heartaches? The happier times required no costly trust; the light and pleasant hours asked nothing of my faith. I was the thirsty desert wastes, the long hard winters, and the sudden surging storms that proved the steadfastness of your love, and the certainty of my hope.....

....Grant me such divine, surpassing peace, O Christ. Let me acknowledge and release for good this sense that I am the victim of some cosmic injustice - that I might lay hold instead of the grace that ever holds me."

   It is my mission that every moment in my life would be holy. Including the time spend sanding the drywall down in our basement bathroom as I try to get it ready for hosting with Air BnB.

I would love to hear your thoughts!

 

Life is Beautiful

Though this year has been one of the hardest ones in my life there are still so many, many things that make my life beautiful and full of joy.  Here are some of the things that have been making my life beautiful....

Mara and Malcolm. They have contributed in a big way to the joy I feel. This afternoon we went to a baby shower in their honor. My sister-in-law, Molly Bea hosted it. My sister Keren was going to do it with her but she ended up getting sick. Both of those women are an incredible blessing to me and make me so very thankful. Molly Bea bakes delicious sour dough bread for us each week and usually has us over for supper each Wednesday and is just a good friend. Keren and I get together every Tuesday morning to pray together which has been so helpful to me.

I just love this little man. Even when he feels like having grumpy faces. I knitted the sweater he is wearing and it was fun to have him try it on.

I am so very blessed by friends. This is Elaine - a dear friend of mine. She and other friends make my life so beautiful. Also,  you can see Malcolm's cute suspenders in this picture.

Aaron and I went to track and field day together yesterday. It is always a fun day filled with many beautiful things: Sunshine, friends, exercise and the fun of seeing my athletic child excel. 

It is a track and field day for homeschooler put on by a local Mennonite church. Aaron ended up with 3 blue ribbons and some third place ones as well.

Flowers certainly make my life more beautiful. We have one crab apple tree that is just blooming profusely. I had hoped to get it grafted and that hasn't worked out yet but I am still fully enjoying the blooms even though the fruit will be to small to use.

An azalea that Aaron gave me for Mother's Day. I love it.

There is even beauty in Dandelions! On Wednesday night when I was teaching some children at church one of the 3 year old boys picked a dandelion like this and gave it to me and then wanted me to blow it. It was such a fun and beautiful moment to watch his delight.

I love the violets!

A couple of Wednesday nights ago I had my class help plant flowers at the church building. It was so fun to have them help (even though a few flowers may have gotten stepped on) and it brought me a lot of joy.

I do feel so blessed to work as a florist - both on my own and at the flower shop. Getting to work with flowers so often is just so fun. I get to enjoy some of the most beautiful things that God created on a very regular basis.

This song reminds me of what is truly beautiful and wonderful in life and that is Jesus and the way he can work in others. I am so thankful for Jesus!
 

What are some of the things that are bringing beauty to your life right now?

God Provides

When Ken first started talking of leaving and divorce amongst the many reactions that I had one of the concerns was financial. Ken has been the main bread winner all the years of our marriage (22+) and though I have most all of those years done something to earn some money (music lessons, babysitting and my wedding floral business primarily) that has been a very small percentage. For the most part that has been "fun" money. The money we used for things like vacations and home improvement projects. I absolutely knew that God would provide but I still struggled a bit with trust and worry. That has been a spiritual growth time for me as I learn to trust God even when I don't understand and I don't see myself how everything is going to work out.

  But in this post I just wanted to share some of the ways that God has proved to me this year that He is watching out for us and is going to provide for us.  We have tried to live debt free except for our mortgage so we are blessed that way but our mortgage is a pretty hefty payment as we have a nice home and in my quest to be debt free soon we put it on a 15 year mortgage. We also have very expensive property taxes since we live on the river and then all the normal home expenses. We also have to pay for health insurance out of pocket since I am self-employed. So even though I live quite frugally the costs add up. I was going to need to make nearly 4 times as much as I made last year and nearly triple the amount of a normal year. 

1. Because of COVID19 and just life circumstances I had gotten to the place that I was only teaching 2 students this fall. Since that time I have added 15 more students (4 of them had taken previously but not for over a year before). 3 have currently stopped again but one is planning on starting up soon. But currently I have 14 students compared to the 2 I had. I have a student on a waiting list as well and others that have expressed interest. I also have students that want to take through the summer where generally mine didn't in the past. So that is helping tremendously financially. The only new thing that I did to advertise was to make a google listing which gained me one of my new students. The gain in students I can only attribute to God.

2. Usually my wedding floral business gets a complete break in the winter. Winter weddings just aren't that common in Northern Minnesota and if people had them they generally got their flowers some place else. This year I had 5 weddings in January and February - months I had never done wedding flowers in before. That just seemed like another sign from God saying "I am going to take care of you". I have 20 weddings scheduled for this summer with more consultations for both this year and next also scheduled. God is so good!

3. I decided that I probably would also need to get another part time job so I started looking a bit. I really want a job where I could do something that wasn't behind a desk especially spending hours looking at a computer. I also was hoping for something that could be fun and challenging. I know, I was being a little picky. I did apply at Hobby Lobby and Northwoods Caregivers (a place that does homecare for elderly). Either one of those would have been fine jobs but wouldn't have paid super well and also would have been super fun for me either. I didn't hear back from either of them very soon. Meanwhile a friend told me that a florist in town was hiring for a part time position. I wasn't sure if they would want to hire me because of the conflict of interest because I have my own business. I decided to stop in anyway and check it out. I talked to the owner who knew of me already because of my business. She said that she would need to think over the conflict of interest issue but knew that I was a good designer. She called a couple of days later and hired me. Interestingly to me was that the day after she called Northwoods Caregivers called and wanted to hire me after silence for weeks. I believe God works with perfect timing and is providing what is best. So I have been working 18-20 (more on Holiday weeks) hours a week at Netzer's Floral on 3 different days.

4. When I asked my neighbor if I could use her as a reference she said "yes" and then called later to tell me of a friend of hers that needed help caring for her husband who was elderly and lost his leg. I have been doing that overnight 2 nights a week. It is nice because I do also get to sleep (it just is interrupted sleep as I generally have to get up fairly frequently to care for him during the night) and I make money while my kids are sleeping so I don't miss time with them. It has been a big financial blessing. I am wondering if it is one I should continue with very long term as I have been tired a lot and I think that contributes to that in a big way. So we are praying about that right now.

5. The day that Ken moved out a friend called and said that someone else wanted to give me an anonymous gift. She sent it over PayPal. It was a generous gift that proved to me yet again that God is taking care of us and I have no need to worry.

6. I found out that the money that was getting paid for Ken's business for 10 years (that he sold last September) would be split between us. So that is a blessing.

7. Ken has not been stingy with the money for Child Support and Alimony so that is a blessing as well.

There have been many other things that have happened between gifts, good deals found and other ways I have found to save. God cares for his people so very abundantly!

I would love to hear stories of how God has provided for you!

A Hard Goodbye

    This is one of those posts that I don't quite know how to write. It is one that I wish I had no reason to write. 

    I have alluded to some challenges in my life. Some hard times that I have been facing. I am finally ready to sit down and write about what has been going on. To get right to the point, my husband, Ken, decided that he no longer wanted to be married and he moved to Denver, Colorado the first part of March. The picture above shows his truck pulling out of the driveway on that day.

  Below a picture of his coat hook - labeled "Dad". It is now empty.

    This is something that I had hoped would never happen. I didn't plan for this. But even though I didn't feel prepared I have a God who knows everything that is going to happen and He sees the complete picture and He is with me, holding my hand every single step of the way. 

   I do want to be completely open with so many of you who have faithfully read my blog through the years and have encouraged me in so many ways. So here is a little background to what is going on in my life now...

   Ken and I were both raised in Christian families. Both sets of parents actually met while attending a small Bible college in southern Iowa. They had all 4 gone to school together there. But my parents ended up in Northern Minnesota and Ken's family lived on the West coast so we didn't meet until Ken and I both followed in our parents' footsteps and attended that same small Bible college in Iowa. There we met, fell in love and decided to do life together while focused on the goal of loving and serving Jesus Christ and telling others about Him.

    We got married, Mara was born 9 months later and then the next year we moved to Kansas to help with a church plant there. During out year and a half in Kansas Ken got discouraged and felt that God wasn't listening to him - that his prayers weren't getting through. His faith was thoroughly shaken. From the outside all of us that knew and loved him couldn't really understand what was going on. We tried to support and encourage but Ken didn't seem to understand either and he wasn't willing to talk about it past a few conversations. He put up a wall on talking about spiritual things. What had been the foundation of our marriage and our life was no longer a topic that he wanted to talk about. He naturally quit preaching, leading songs, praying or even participating in any of those things. He did still attend church with me for a few more years but only for the sake of the kids (who don't actually ever remember him going). That was a really hard time and I wondered at that time that if he was giving up on God that he would also give up on me. But he didn't.

   We never had a truly wonderful marriage again however.  It felt like somebody had cut of a leg or an arm. It hurt terribly but over time it healed and it didn't hurt quite so much any more but we still couldn't function the way we used too. We didn't share the same major interest in life and Ken says he basically just walled up to truly living life. We did have a lot of fun together at times. We found other things we had in common and enjoyed them together. My faith was still the center of my life and I shared it with our kids but that didn't stop me from being involved in politics with Ken, building a home together, building businesses together, enjoying traveling and many other fun activities together. We make a really good team.

   I am guessing this story came as a bit of a shock to many of you. I didn't mean to deceive and I never did that on purpose but I also didn't feel that it was my place to make big announcements about Ken's spiritual life or our marriage. I did share very honestly ways I was trying to work on our marriage but I didn't think it was my place at that time to truly share Ken's story. I hope you understand.

   This past year Ken did a lot of rethinking in life. The death of his Dad a few years ago and then Mara getting married kind of made him face some things. He decided that he wasn't happy with life as it was. That having a nice family, a lovely home and a good business wasn't enough to make him happy. When he told me that at first in August I was pretty excited. I was a little nervous too just somehow in the way he said it. The kids and I were all hoping that he was realizing that just being successful in this life isn't enough. That only with God can we have true purpose and peace. 

    Over the course of the Fall we did more talking about deep things than we had in the last 20 years. But at least so far Ken does not want to come back to Jesus. He has chosen instead to get farther away from Him if he can. That means getting away from me, getting away from our home where we pray, read the Bible, sing and have scriptures on the wall, getting away from our community where people assume he is a Christian because he is married to me.

   I have thought a lot about these verses from 1 Corinthians 7 over the last few months: "12 To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.

15 But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. 16 How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?"

   These last few months have been a major time of growing for me. It has been a time of truly leaning on the Lord and my fellow believers. The support the kids and  I have received from others in the Body of Christ has been wonderful. As I see and work through the sins and struggles in my own life I am so thankful for Jesus' work on the cross to cleanse me of all that. As I deal with the feelings of rejection God's love just overwhelms me and comforts me and He tells me that I am loved and wanted. 

 I understand these verses in James 1 in a new way...

"2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. 6 But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7 That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. 8 Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do."

   Though times have sometimes felt a little dark lately, Jesus is with us, ALWAYS! He is so very, very faithful. I have seen that evidenced in so many, many ways over the last few months. God is so good! I don't understand everything but He does and He is working in our situation just like He is working in yours. I am learning to trust Him a little more each day. I hope you are too.

   

    

Introducing my Grandson and other random happenings

 We had a new arrival in our family last week and we are so excited!  Mara gave birth to Malcolm with Thomas by her side supporting her. Labor and delivery went well and they are blessed with a beautiful Healthy baby boy!

I am completely in love!

I and others from our family were able to go up and see them in the hospital. There is only supposed to be one guest besides the dad at a time but they allowed 2 people a couple of times so that was really nice. I was just thankful that we were able to go at all with COVID.  They were sent home the next day so that was really nice too. They are both doing well which is a great blessing.

I think Malcolm looks a fair amount like his mother. Above is a picture of Mara as a newborn.

Megan is pretty excited to be an aunt. I think the boys are happy to be uncles too but they aren't quite as interested in newborns. They enjoy playing with them when they get a little bigger.

On Sunday we had fun taking quite a few pictures of Malcolm.

The sweater above and the hat below were both made by Mara.

I will try not to overwhelm this blog with Grandbaby pictures but I probably won't apologize for them very much either. :-)

I had mentioned in my last post about Megan's sewing abilities and I just wanted to share some pictures from one of her latest projects....

She decided her cousin Beulah looked rather like a gnome and probably needed a gnome costume so she made her a dress completely with a hand made hoop skirt and a cape. She also made her a belt and a tie on pocket. Beulah wasn't impressed with getting her clothes changed in the middle of a bunch of people just so she could try on something new but she looks pretty adorable in it anyway. :-) 
 

 We had an absolutely beautiful day today. I did flowers for a wedding and went to lunch and had a walk with a friend. I was also able to visit with both my Mom and my Mother-in-law and I was able to stop in quickly to help Mara with some laundry and dishes and give a couple of kisses to Malcolm. It has been a good day. And, I came home to find a May Day surprise from my neighbor Alice. 

Speaking of May Day....

Various ones from our homeschool co-op came over on Thursday evening and together we made over 100 May Day Baskets for the nursing home.

It was a lot of fun. Plus a few burned fingers from the glue guns. :-)

We put candy, tea and flowers in each basket. We hope the brighten up their day.

Happy May Day to all of you!