Have unity with your husband in raising children

 Something that my mom was careful to teach and model to us girls as we grew up was the importance of being united with your husband when it came to raising children. She had observed in the past some parents that didn't work together (things would happen like the mother would undermine the dad, she would side with the kids at times instead of her husband and so on) and Mom observed how hard that was on children - not to mention how hard that could be on a marriage.

  I don't know how often we really discussed that when I was growing up but it did really make a strong impression on me. Ken and I have worked to be united in this way. It is something that has gone pretty well but something that I would like to work on more.

 Something that we did do that helped to get us off to a good start was before our oldest, Mara was even born we read through a parenting book ("To Train up a Child" by Mike and Debi Pearl) together - I think I read it to him while we were traveling - and then we discussed the ideas in the book. That way before we even started to work on training a child we had come up with a plan and discussed how we would do it. Otherwise it can be quite easy to disagree how forms of punishment, when discipline is needed and much more!

  It was a huge blessing for us that we did share many of the same ideas on this subject so we didn't have much in the way of disagreements to work through but I do still remember several times in the early years of child training when I would struggle a bit in my effort to present a united front.

  In our parenting styles we both love our children dearly and we want the to obey, I struggled with sometimes being a little bit "soft" with the kids however and unfortunately not always consistent. My emotions could get in the way of doing what I should. Ken being a guy (at least this is a typical gender difference) didn't have so many issues in this way and so there were a few times that I would not feel completely supportive inside when he would discipline them but I am so grateful now that I wouldn't express that uncertainty. We have children that truly love and respect their daddy (and they do me as well, just in case you were wondering) and even right after discipline after he had comforted them they were ready to spend time doing things with him.

  In always being united we were able to train our children (easily in fact - I don't even remember a struggle with this) to not go ask one parent after the other parent already gave an answer (to try to get a more favorable answer) .

 One quick caution - This does not suggest that you stand by and watch your husband abuse your children - but I hope that is not the case with any of you. That is a far different thing that your husband lovingly disciplining your children.

   We are past that small child training stage in our lives but we still have plenty of opportunity to present a united front to our children. In fact the teenage years are probably when most parents might struggle with this and when it might be most detrimental to the children and possibly the marriage.

   My goals are to:

• Stand united with Ken in how we raise our children - this means discussing ideas and goals for them.
• Never speak to the children negatively about Ken. Now our kids do know that we have different ideas on some things. I lean towards wanting to turn our place into a farm and Ken wouldn't mind living in town and having a lifestyle like that and so we do talk over our different ideas but we do it in love and usually come to a compromise that we both are happy with. The kids are aware of these different ideas but I don't think they are seeing that as a lack of unity.

I think this principle of standing united with your husband is an important one for a healthy marriage as well as for raising children. What are your thoughts?

 

Almond Joy Bars

Last  month we had a retreat at church and the theme this year was "Joy". For our Friday evening time together (the Retreat lasts the whole weekend) we usually have some fun activities and then snacks. We thought it would be fun to try to have our snacks go along with the theme if we could. Emily came up with the idea of having "BEE JOYFUL" decorations (which turned out pretty cute!) and then we had some snacks that went along with bees and such. I made some fruit pizza to remind us of the fruit of the Spirit - of which one is JOY and then I also made some almond joy bars.

  I had seen various Almond Joy cake, bar and cookie recipes online and they looked pretty yummy but in the end I just ended up revising a recipe that I already had used and enjoyed many times. It was originally called Coconut Chews and didn't have either chocolate or almonds in it but those were pretty easy to add.

   Here is the recipe for my Almond Joy Bars (and no it isn't all that healthy - but we do like treats now and then.)

Crust:

• 3/4 cup butter or coconut oil, softened
• 3/4 cup powdered sugar
• 1 1/2 cups flour (I use whole wheat)

Heat oven to 350 degrees. Blend together the crust. Press evenly in the bottom of a 9 X 13 ungreased pan. Bake 12-15 minutes.

 

Gooey Coconut Part:

• 2 eggs
• 3/4 cup brown sugar
• 2 T. flour
• 1/2 t. salt
• 1/2 t. baking powder
• 1/2 t. vanilla
• 1 cup coconut

Mix together and spread over hot crust. Bake 20 minutes longer.

 

Icing:

• 2 T melted butter
• 3 T milk
• 4 T. cocoa powder
• 1 1/2 cups (or to the right consistency) powdered sugar

Mix together and spread over warm bars. Sprinkle sliced almonds on top. Enjoy!



These pictures are just to show the cute bees that Emily made from balloons and bubble wrap (for the wings) for the evening.

The picture above also shows a nice group of guys that took over cleaning the kitchen after one meal at the retreat.

 

Thrifty tips for clothing your family nicely

I said I would share a picture of the dress that Mara made Megan for her birthday. Megan wore it this morning to church and I got a picture of her in it before we left. That started me thinking about the issue of clothes....

 

  We don't spend very much money on clothes. Nor do I shop very often, in fact this year two date I have bought a total of two clothing items: A pair of snow boots for Mara and a pair of hiking boots/shoes for Jonathan. Both were off clearance racks. This year we will probably buy even less than usual I am really trying to simplify and not buy anything that we don't need.

  Even if we don't spend very much money it is still fun to dress nicely and not wear they same things all the time. I thought I would share some of the ways that I clothe our family frugally, I know I have addressed this issue before but it has been a while so I thought it would be fun to write about again.

Here are some quick tips:

• Don't buy more than you need.
• Buy quality not quantity. To get that more economically look for it second hand or make it.
• Gratefully accept hand-me-downs if they are offered to you. Keep what you can use and pass on the rest.
• Be creative with putting together outfits using the clothes you already have in your drawers.
• Have "good" clothes and "everyday" clothes so that your "good" clothes stay in good shape.
• Polish your shoes when they need it - it really extends their looking good time.
• Mend things before they get worse.
• Patch your pants.
• Shop clearance racks.
• Shop at garage sales or second hand stores.
• Use high value (like $10 off a $10 purchase!) coupons.
• Pass clothes on from one child to the next. We have specially marked boxes (according to age/size and gender) in our closets that we put clothes in to have them ready for the next child.
• Sew your own clothes. Though don't go buy full price cloth and notions at a fabric store or it is unlikely that you will save money. Find sales, save notions off of old clothes, buy supplies from second hand stories, etc.
• Go to or even host a clothing swap. We tried that last year and we found it helpful. I think I have ideas for improving it for next year.
• Remake clothes. There have been so many times that we have something (either given to use or maybe something "Old" in our closet) that we just don't care for as is or maybe it doesn't even fit us but with a little creativity and a little sewing (or once a while maybe you can even fix something up without sewing) and you have something that does work for you.

 Remaking clothes is a favorite pastime of mine and if you look around you will find quite a few examples on this blog (like this skirt, a onesie dress, a big girl dress, and another dress and swimsuits). I have been working on some new remakes and mending lately and have quite a few more planned. I am hoping to just go through all of our clothes soon and either get rid of or remake those that we don't really like or wear. I have decided that I will try to do a bunch of posts on this subject as a series in May so if you like remaking clothes than I invite you to come join me then!

Meanwhile - how does your family save money on clothes? I would love to hear your tips!

 I am linking this to:

Hosted by New Life on a Homestead and The Prairie Homestead.

~Clever Chicks Blog Hop

 

Let's build others up - not tear them down

 As the snow once again is falling heavily outside (and looking very beautiful by the way) I had fun looking through some scenery photos that I had in my files. I thought it would be fun to share some Spring like  pictures. Spring will come soon, meanwhile we will enjoy the snow and the pictures of Spring from other years! :-)

   There is a topic that has been going around in my mind some lately, I am quite sure I have written on it before but since it is in my thoughts and it is something I am working on I thought I would share some verses about it and write on it again. Hopefully you will find these thoughts encouraging.

   In my life at times I have noticed something that I don't like and that is a tendency to be critical of others. Now that wasn't something I would often say out loud to them (though I probably have more than I should with my children and maybe some others that I am close to) but I would think them, and I feel terrible saying this, but I know from time to time I would say that critical thought to others about someone too.

   Thinking about that really makes me feel kind of nasty because really how would I like to have others criticizing me behind my back? I wouldn't. Besides how does that really help anybody? Anyway... just being open and honest with you all, I am admitting that I have often been critical of others and I really don't want to be that way anymore.

It reminds me of this verse:

“Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye." Matthew 7:1-5

   Why are we so often critical of others when we have problems ourselves?  I think criticism (both in giving it and also not wanting to take it - which I also struggle with) come from a pride problem, lets make them look bad and me look good. Pride is the root of so many problems and someday I really hope to be totally rid of it!!! When we think about the fact that we are all sinners in need of grace, none of us perfect, none of us who have it all together then it is easier not be so critical of others.

I have also found this verse helpful:
"Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony." Colossians 3:12-14

 Do you notice the mention of putting on humility????

 A habit that I have had fun working on forming is that when I find myself thinking a critical thought and would try to quickly get rid of that and start thinking about positive things instead.

For instance when I am out driving around I would (I hate to say this) find myself thinking things like "Oh that yard is a huge mess", "Oh that person looks grumpy", "Wow, it amazing what horrible combinations people will wear together" - I am actually having trouble remembering exact thoughts but I did catch myself being critical about houses I would pass, people whom I didn't know at all but I saw some flaw in them even from that distance. I have no idea why I started doing that - perhaps it is because I do think fixing things up is fun and I could look at a yard and think "oh, I could organize all that junk, plant some flowers, paint the door and things would look so much better" or maybe I was simply in a critical funk.

 But after a bit I started thinking about what I was doing and it really bothered me - How in the world was that helping anybody? I was simply putting myself in a critical frame of mind.

  So I have had fun changing that around and now when I am out driving or perhaps people watching at some place or another I have fun thinking positive thoughts about others. Instead of noticing that bad or the ugly I try to find the beauty in the situation. Things like noticing someone wearing a beautiful scarf, noticing a pretty house color (even if the yard is a mess), noticing a beautiful smile, you get the idea. That game by the way is much more fun and leaves me in a much better frame of mind! :-)

  Something we have done with our children when they something that isn't nice to one another is to have them then say three nice things about their sibling. I think this would be a good activity for me too. I think sometimes we need to work to train our minds to think good things rather than being critical.

The verse below shares the message that I hope and pray will one day be the only story of my life - that the critical spirit in me will be completely gone!

"Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing." 1 Thessalonians 5:11

I hope that for you as well!

Celebrating a Birthday without spending any money. {Still working on simplifying our life}

 This week our Megan celebrated her 7th birthday. A pretty sweet 7 year old she is, too!

We did some celebrating on two different days as Ken needed to be gone on the evening of her actual birthday. So the evening before we had over all of our family that are in town (It is quite a few currently to we had 20 of us there in all) and had supper with a menu that she requested (Ham, potatoes, veggies, etc.- stuff that we already had on hand) and had cake and a gluten free pumpkin dessert (as one nephew is gluten free, but the rest of us enjoyed it too) and we made homemade "Ice cream" (actually ice milk made with my parents goat's milk).

  We had a fun time together and Megan was overwhelmingly blessed with gifts from all of them. Lots of not so healthy (but certainly enjoyed) treats were given as gifts along with other things.

 The next morning- on her birthday our family gave her our gifts as is our tradition. This year however I am trying not to buy anything for gifts but rather make homemade gifts from stuff we already have in our possession.

    I had a few reasons for this decision.

Number one reason was that we have a lot of stuff - in fact there have been many times that I have felt overwhelmed by the amount of stuff I have. Especially when I read stories about life back 80 years and further in our country and all over the world and also when I read current stories about life in some countries now I realize just how much we have - far more than we really need. Now don't get me wrong, I do feel very blessed to live in the time and place that I do, and I don't think that having stuff, or working to better yourself is wrong - not at all! I have just come to realize that for me personally (and for my family) I would like to have a little less stuff, I would prefer to step out of the buying cycle (for the most part - obviously I am not doing it completely) and instead work on using the things I have and making life more beautiful and simple with what we have. I have been saying those sayings "Have nothing in your lives that you don't know to be useful or believe to be beautiful" and "Use it up, wear it out, make it do or do without" many times to myself and I feel strongly about those messages. My focus has really turned to quality over quantity concerning the things that we have.

 Another reason for this decision not to spend money on gifts was the whole concept of money. As I begin to feel more strongly about the above reason I also realized that I would rather use my money in other ways than for buying things that weren't needed. I would prefer to give money to missionaries that are spreading the gospel, I would prefer to send it for humanitarian aid in South Sudan, I would prefer to get our 6 month emergency fund fully funded and I would prefer to get the mortgage paid on our house. There are higher priorities for our money than to buy things that aren't needed.

A third reason for this plan is simply that I think handmade gifts are special. They are one of a kind (generally) and you can make it personal. Not everybody is easy to make handmade gifts for but it is fun to try! I love to think about that person while I work on the gift. It is a great time to pray for them too.

 Megan's birthday is the first one in our immediate family this year but we have been making and giving gifts to extended family and friends. So far we have been able to do all handmade gifts except when it came to my Dad's birthday I did make him a hat (which you can see in the last picture of this post) but I wanted to give him more than that so I did have fun buying various food items that they enjoy but don't normally get and giving them too him too - I did buy something but since I knew it was totally useful and didn't add to their "stuff collection" I didn't mind doing that at all.

But anyway, on to the gifts that Ken and I gave to Megan:

 Megan has quite a few dolls including a few homemade dolls but for some reason she had really hoped to get a rag doll for her birthday. That was a quite reasonable request and I had fun making a Scandinavian one. We have been studying about Scandinavia (getting ready for a homeschool event) lately and it was fun to make one that went along with that.

 I also made her an apron which doesn't look like a baby apron. She likes it and I think I can now get rid of the baby aprons taking space in our drawer (though I will probably save one for visitors).

  I also gave her a dress for her doll, Alice Lily. This dress had actually come nearly made in a bag of fabric scraps that a friend gave to us recently. So I just had to do a few things to finish it up and it was ready to go. I also got most of the stuff for making the doll and the apron from those scraps. (Thanks Kim! )

 I did think a few weeks before Megan's birthday that I might have to spend some money after all as I remembered that on our children's 7th birthday we always gave them a Bible. Megan had recently really taken off with her reading (she is our newest bookworm) and I definitely wanted her to have a Bible this year. She did actually have a Bible that had been passed her way from somewhere but it was in the King James Version and though she didn't seem to mind and we found it pretty fun to listen to her read all the old fashioned words it didn't seem like she was always understanding them, nor could she follow along with the rest of us when we read (she would always say, "But mine says....") nor was it the version that we memorize from. So anyway I wanted to get her an NIV.

    I did start doing some shopping online for Bibles and found some but not very many that had both pictures and were in NIV (I know she loved having pictures). In my searching I found the one style below and then I noticed there were used one too (on Amazon) and they were really cheap and they said they were in very good condition. Generally I have found that used books in that are classified as very good condition looked almost new and since this is a temporary Bible anyway (since in a few years she'll want one that looks a little more grown up- and just because when you use them regularly they don't last forever) I decided to go ahead and get the used one. With shipping it cost $4.99 - I had a $5 gift card that I had earned with Swagbucks so I didn't have to use any money out of pocket. Sweet!

 When I got the Bible it wasn't quite in as good of condition as I thought it would be as there was writing on two of the front pages (saying it was a gift to someone) but I was able to carefully cut them out with an exacto knife and all was good there and there was a blue crayon mark on the back cover but I was able to scrub that off. The top of the back binding had also gotten squished slightly but I have seen brand new books like that too. As far as the inside pages I don't really think the previous owner ever opened it- hopefully he had another Bible and simply didn't need this one!

 I made a padded fabric case for the Bible.

 The kids also made her some homemade presents. Mara made her a dress which hopefully I will get pictures of when she wears it to church tomorrow and then I can show it on here.

  Megan had a very happy birthday (she also enjoyed several letters, cards and calls from family and friends) and it didn't require lots of money or lots of new stuff brought into our house.

 Do you like to give handmade gifts?
How do you deal with lots of stuff?
I always enjoy hearing your thoughts!

I am linking this to the Homestead Barn Hop.

Do unto others....

This afternoon I read an article by Lee Strobel and in it he suggests that every month you ask yourself the question "How would I like to be married to me?" This questioning time is not supposed to be an opportunity to pridefully think of all our virtues but rather to notice the things that we should be working on. (But then again do look at yourself in a balanced light I know some people struggle more with tearing themselves down rather than pride so maybe this little project wouldn't be so well fitted for you unless you can keep it in balance).

 Just take the time to look at yourself honestly and then try to adjust anything in your life (maybe grumpy moods or whatever) that would make yourself a better spouse.

"So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets."

Matthew 7:12

 

This has been good food for thought for me. I hope you find it that way as well.